It’s odd to come back to this space after a while, read the state of mind as expressed and yet I strangely feel disconnected from the person who has written them. It is all me after all, but does not feel like it.

It is mid 2011, almost a year since the intelligence is understood and yet not understood enough to stop. Hopefully I have learnt the lesson and focus on being where I want to be. I do not know actually where I am today, makes it harder to imagine the place one could be. But it is now time to come back and re-focus on writing.

There is this inane desire to create, not be idle, let the moment and time not pass by. And then this chatter inside which cannot find a direction or avenue to come out. Oh God! where shall I be if not here, then where. Given a business challenge the direction to the creative angel comes about and the flows and ebbs lead to a good result. The result then needs carving with fine chisel, painstakingly over hours to become a thing of beauty. Ira Glass said it so rightly on having good taste initiates the process of creating and one’s taste stays as the benchmark for over coming mediocrity.

Ira Glass emphasizes on doing it continuously even though it may take a while but one has to fight through it. That hard work at work can happen once in while, leading to intellectual property claiming ownership for the idea while transferring it to the system at the same time. Rest of the work otherwise is simply meanderings of a regime.

Then there are phases of wilderness. No challenge, no direction, emptiness with uneasiness. Emptiness for not knowing where I am heading to and uneasiness on not doing something about it. It can be silenced or dumbed down with information overload, reading, reading and more reading. All this though ends up giving more dots to join and create from. What is it that I want to create? the next big business challenge and the million dollar idea or the satisfaction of having created something appreciable. Validation is necessary energy source for creative genius, what is that one wants the validation for is the question? validation of having successfully created or created at all in the first place?

It is in those moments that people, characters, stories and poetries happen. The disciple to listen to them and give them a space to be expressed is needed. The joy of writing down the thoughts, ideas and stories of people as told to me by my angel. Elizabeth Gilbert in her talk at TED said it so eloquently.

I do not know if I can write as good as she can but the least I can do is to write and nurture the guardian angel who definitely visits me at odd times. I will now try to listen to it going forward and write it down as if passing through me to the words on this blog.

But there is one more thing.

As Jesse Schell points out in the book “art of game design” spot on about keeping the house in order. Otherwise the normal ness of life takes over, shakes you out of limbo, spiraling down the un-controlled catching up on things to be done. It leads to panic and depressions of a different kind, one that comes from realization of ones own limitations due to environment one is living and its responsibilities. It does re-inforce the expectation and other type of validation, that requires one to have a social standing, to provide a life well lived to loved ones and to be among ones peers. But these depressions can shatter and question ones abilities to live a creative life, thus avoiding those becomes more important then those that occur from not being able to create. How far will one go to avoid them all together, too far and one may knowingly numb the urge, the one to create.

One cannot judge what is better or normal in real sense, the routines of life and orderliness led with a things to do or wilderness of seeking challenges and depths of diving in resolutions.

So thats my friend at the end, the question of life, the universe and everything (ode to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy). Do you have an answer or shall I create a new world around sun to find it?